(no subject)

[shadowedheart]

[ The following have been scribbled in a journal by Riku himself, each page dated. ]

March 1st.
I came to see you and you're... sleeping.
Again.
Do you have any idea how annoying that is?

March 2nd.
You're still sleeping.

March 3rd.
It's raining a lot.
Maybe you should wake up.
The sun might come out if you do.

March 4th.
The clouds are gray today.
One looked like a paopu fruit.
I'd show it to you if you were awake.
Guess you'll just have to take my word for it.

March 5th.
People are trying to decorate you.
You have some annoying friends.
I'm not really surprised.
You're friends with me after all.

March 6th.
New arrivals are appearing today.
I'll stop by the welcome center for you.
I know you would be looking for Kairi.
If I find her, I'll bring her to you.
So you should probably wake up.

March 7th.
Kairi wasn't there.
Sorry.

March 8th.
Someone named Ventus appeared.
He says he knows you, that he's been sleeping in your heart.
Did you know about him?

March 9th.
I don't know what to write today.

March 10th.
Alice threw her umbrella at me.
I deserved it.

March 11th.
I went to the tree of memories.
I saw you asleep. Naminé was there putting your memories back together.
Seeing you like that hurt. Just a reminder of everything stupid I've done.
what I figured I would see.

March 12th.
It's still raining a lot.

March 13th.
Do you think I'm a coward?
I would say that I am.

March 14th.
Something doesn't feel right somewhere.
Maybe it's all the rain.
Maybe it's the fact that you're still asleep.
If you wake up, surely the sun will appear, too.
I'm beginning to think that's how it is.
So you're to blame for this.

March 15th.
I don't know how you can write so much in these.
You really do just have a lot to talk about I guess.
Not so much with me.
Maybe that's a good thing.

March 16th.
Hey.
I miss you.

March 17th.
I don't feel like writing today.
Sorry.

March 18th.
There's a lot I want to tell you
but I'm not even sure how to do it, Sora.
No matter how many times I try, it never seems to come out right.
Guess it's just a sign that I shouldn't bother, right?
Not like you need to hear any of it anyway.

March 19th.
You know...
I never thought I would think this but
Arden doesn't seem that bad after all.

March 20th.
Sleeping's been really difficult for me lately.
It's late when I'm writing this to you.
I keep having... nightmares.
Everytime I take my blindfold off
my eyes are... not mine.
I don't know whose they are
but then blackness... darkness bleeds from them
and I wake up every time.
Sora, I'm worried something might happen
since I keep dreaming about this.
I wish you'd wake up.

March 21st.
More nightmares.
Really tired today.
Sorry, not much writing in here.

March 22nd.
I think I saw some of the sun today.
I thought that maybe you were checking on me.
You were, right?

March 23rd.
Something doesn't feel right.
I can't explain it but I can feel it.
Maybe you should wake up now.
We might need you.

March 24th.
Still have that weird feeling that something isn't right.
I swear the sun's only been out for two days this whole month.
I'm still blaming you for that, you know.

March 25th.
This girl... Ion
she made me fried rice.
She's... I can definitely see why she's a friend of yours.
She tried to drag me to her house.
I didn't go in.
But then she leaves fried rice and sunglasses for me in your room.
I guess because that's how we met
when I was sitting here with you in your room.
She talks about her boyfriend a lot.
I hope you don't do the same.
Maybe Kairi would get along with her better.
What do you think?

March 26th.
You're still sleeping.
Sora... is this how it's going to be again?

March 27th.
Whenever I sit in here with you
it reminds me of how you are back where I'm from.
It's weird to write that, you know.
"Back where I'm from."
What does that even mean?
That you and I aren't from the same place anymore?
It's hard to think about that sometimes.
You'd probably look at it as something positive, wouldn't you?
Try and tell me that things work out, that I overcome this darkness
and that everything is going to be ok.
But Sora...
I don't know if you can understand.
Things are different for me.
You're asleep. Naminé working on your memories.
All of that, while it's nothing more than a memory for you,
it's my reality, my present, my world.
Right now.
I have to go day by day with watching you sleep.
Seeing that here... it's difficult.
I don't know if anyone can understand how difficult it is.
Maybe Naminé can.
I don't really have anyone with you asleep.
Naminé is there, Mickey also.
But it's just me.
Watching over you.
Like I am here.
Days seem a lot longer when you're asleep.
Sometimes I wonder what you're dreaming about.
Do you dream about things when we were little?
Climbing trees and looking for adventure on the islands?
You remember all of that, right?
Before I screwed it all up.
I don't want to screw it up here either.
But I feel like I will.
I want to write you things
I want to tell you things
but it's difficult to do because I feel ashamed to.
What I think and what I feel... I should know better.
I always should have known better
and it's like I never learn.
Everything just collapses around me, Sora.
When I start to feel like I'm making progress,
the darkness pulls me right back down again.
I really start to wonder if choosing the dawn was foolish of me.
But it's like I was saying.
You're not around right now back there, Sora.
Days feel like forever and turn into weeks and months.
Sometimes I feel like you'll never wake up
and I'd honestly deserve it for everything I've done.
But I don't want to give up.
Even if the darkness swallows me whole and transforms me
into something I can never come back from.
I don't want to give up.
I owe you that much, don't I?
To at least wake you up,
even if I can't be by your side after you are.
Maybe the same can be said for here.
I'm sorry.
For everything.
Even here.
I still let you down, still walked away.
Still feel angry upset hurt mad frustrated I don't know.
I just want to say
that I miss you.
I do back there
and I do here as well.

March 28th.
Sora, I don't think you know how much
[ the rest of the page has been torn out of the journal. ]

March 29th.
It's already looking like it's going to be a month
since you became this snoozing crystal in your room.
I hate it.
How can this place be any better
when you're not even awake with me?
Tell me not to give up.
Please.